Iris and violet? I’m not sure that those notes are really ‘me’. A lot of my fragrances are around the floral-oriental section of the fragrance wheel, with top notes of rose, jasmine, amber and musk. Don’t ask me why, those are just the notes that I find warm particularly well on my skin. Jimmy Choo “Illicit” is my signature scent, though Gucci “Bamboo” and Armani Mania pour femme aren’t far behind. The latter seldom gets used, it’s hard to find and it’s very expensive.
Still when I saw “Spell On You” from Louis Vouitton, I knew that I had to investigate. That’s what I do, I put spells on people. I make me unforgettable.
Because you’re mine.
It’s not that I mean any harm, not by any means. It’s about playing and play, it’s about what we do, as humans. We find people to play with, people whose demons match well with our own. Sometimes we find them, and still other times our demons come back to haunt us. Still, when we do find them? That’s when real magic happens.
I like finding my people. I think we all do.
Suppose that it started on Monday, before my shower. I sent Bill a modest-but-barely selfie and on Tuesday, he returns the favour. Not to be outdone I match him once again, raising the stakes a little more this time. It’s the kind of game that’s a tequila or two away from sending far more than you intended. Alas, I seldom drink.
There’s something there again, something ‘back there’ on what we were. Suppose that it never really went away? Suppose that we gave up and accepted it for what it was without really considering what we wanted. Suppose that we never really explored the full range of tools at our disposal, we just accepted what couldn’t be. It’s not that it sits comfortably, of course, but there was still plenty of fun to be had. Still plenty to be shared, and share we did.
It’s much more than just sex. There’s a deeper level of love, care, aceptance and respect that goes far beyond what we do. It’s a relationship in its own right, but an undetermined, physical-free one. I call him my “other partner” to my father-in-law, and because “friend” feels so… mediocre. He’s more than my friend, and he seems to be accepted as such.
I’ve only been bloody thinking about you on and off.
A smile plays across my lips once more – the damage is done. I’ve planted that little seed of curiosity and now it will flourish and grow with a little help. It’s how I work – not great big displays but seeds of possibility. Anything is possible, even if it’s not probable.
Never say never though, just in case.
My mind wandered to further conversation with M
Of course, and for as powerful as I felt right now then in one fell swoop I’m reminded of how powerless I really am. Bill is trusted with me – the only one who is.
“I’m not some commodity to be handed about between you both!” I protest to Matt, though it’s a protest of last resort and a lie to myself above all else. Matt pouts at me mockingly. Among them? Then why yes, that’s exactly what I am.
Quietly I know it, too.
I sound as though I hate it and yet I don’t, quite the opposite in fact. Here I am free to be me, free to surrender control and just ‘be’. It’s how I choose to be, how I choose to live. Theirs. Their property. Their pride and joy to share with whoever they choose, however they choose.
Usually that’s just through my words though. So far.
This morning I hear from a new penpal, Liam. Was I good last year? Instantly my predator drive kicks in. I flip onto my front and think about how to respond to this one.
Ooh! Did fresh meat just step into the lion’s den? Why yes, yes! I think it did…
For now though I decide to play nice. Ish.
I answer Liam’s questions in a polite and courteous manner, and then I conclude my letter with a matter-of-fact statement:
I’ll leave it here for now. For now I have to make some tea and get started on a draft of my post on the breeding kink and impregnation play. Oops, maybe next year.
I’ve no doubt that focus has been a little… hard for my new friend this rainy afternoon.